A is for Adoption

How can he be FIVE already??

Well folks, it's true -- I have a 5-year-old. Unbelievable. His party yesterday was for family only -- according to Theo's wishes! (Most of my friends' kids are having big parties at Pump It Up or other such loud, annoying places and have invited the majority of their preschool class -- but not Theo! He wanted it at home, and just for his aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Interesting.)

Anyway, we had a lot of fun. I made my own version of a "pinata" (instead of a donkey or regular old T-rex, Theo wanted his pinata to be a "Sabertooth Crocodile" -- hence, the need to make it myself). After I drew the creature on poster board and stapled the two sides together, I realized that whacking the paper with a bat would probably crush the tootsie pops inside. So Theo and Jeff spent a few minutes bubble-wrapping them for protection. Here's Theo and his pinata:

By the way, the bat alone didn't break open the pinata -- we had to rip the top. Just an FYI for other DYI moms out there!

Our next party game was "Pin the Crest on the Cryolophosaurus" -- another mommy creation:

Note the Crylophosaurus eggs that Theo added!

Theo got lots of thoughtful gifts, including Spin Art from Auntie Carolyn (I think I love it more than Theo) and a badminton set from Rose and Auntie Lettie. Grandma Sharon wrote a wonderful original story for Theo called "Tiny and the Giant" that includes pages for Theo to illustrate. So clever. Theo is one lucky little guy -- and so are we.

Holiday adventures

There's still a week until Christmas, but we've already enjoyed lots of Holiday fun. Tonight we took the Holiday Lights train in Niles Canyon, where Theo got to spend a little time with Santa:

And last night we went to Zoo Lights with Theo's brother, where they rode the airplane together:

And Theo made gingerbread cookies with Grandma a couple of weeks ago:

If it looks like Theo is wearing the same shirt in all the photos . . . well, it's because he is! It's his "I'm on the nice list" top, and he just won't take it off!

OctoBEAR update

Wow. Time is passing faster than . . . than . . . faster than my brain forms new cells, that's for sure. How in world could Thanksgiving be next week? Here are a couple of cute shots from October -- the missing month!

Theo was (obviously) Winnie-the-Pooh for Halloween. Quite a change in direction from being a carnivorous dinosaur, which was his original plan.

 

And we took advantage of the awesome Fall weather by visiting Muir Woods and Muir Beach. Hiking and flying kites under sunny skies at the end of October! Can't beat that! Here's Theo with his pal the bear at Muir Woods.

We are now in the painful process of visiting elementary schools to determine which is the right one for our little guy. It's not simple or easy. There are some amazing private independent schools, which we are leaning toward, but that's a big step for this public-school-attending girl and her public-school teacher husband. Sigh. If only our state weren't in such a financial mess so public schools could offer the extras that private schools have. I know it will all work out -- we just have to get through the process. We are so lucky that we have options. There should be good options for EVERY child in America. Grrrr . . . .

 

Never enough dinos!

I spend a significant amount of time searching Google images for the perfect dinosaurs (according to Theo), then printing and cutting them out. I can't tell you how much HP color ink I've gone through in order to fulfill my child's obsession. Here's a shot of Theo next to some of the dinos spread out all over my office floor . . . and a close-up, just for fun.

Theo redecorates

Am I a cool mom, or what? We let Theo use his poster paints on a designated spot on his bedroom wall . . . pretty interesting, huh? I wonder what all those mysterious shapes mean. You never know what's going on in his little head . . .

Hunting for Dinos in NYC

We're back from our annual trip to New York. Lots of fun with Jeff's cousins and their families at Mohonk Mountain Home (in New Paltz) and in Scarsdale. At Mohonk the other kids took Theo under their collective wing and whisked him off to the game room, or the putt-putt course, or the hedge maze. Theo was in heaven. Then we spent 5 days in sweltering Manhattan. Of course we made the trek to the Natural History Museum, and Jeff and I also explored the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn and heard some great live Jazz. Usually I leave NYC with a yearning to spend more extended time there (or even live there) . . . but I didn't feel that way this year. The sounds, smells, concrete and crowds are just too much for me now. But it is a great place to visit.

Pact Family Camp

We just returned from a family camp produced by Pact, the adoption alliance that helped us adopt Theo. Pact specializes in placing children of color, so everyone at this camp had at least one adopted child -- and the majority were mixed race families like ours. I can't tell you the feeling of relief and gratitude to be surrounded by families just like ours for a few days. It makes me realize how much I "hold" in my everyday life -- constantly being aware that we are being looked at and speculated about. The entire experience was so incredible. Theo was in the "Littles" kids group, where he spent most of his days with 15 other kids of color his own age and 5 counselors, also of color, who were either adopted themselves or who had adopted siblings. Theo thrived there, swimming, making art, taking nature walks, and just playing around. 

While Theo was happily occupied, Jeff and I listened and learned from amazing keynote speakers, discussion groups and workshops. I got so much information about choosing the right school for Theo, as part of a discussion about closing the achievement gap for African American boys. I learned great techniques for being an "emotion coach" for Theo, and ideas for avoiding, and dealing with, power struggles (which occur daily in our household). I shared stories and ideas with other adoptive parents for navigating the racism and discrimination that Theo will soon face. But most of all, I felt so inspired and overwhelmed by the steps Jeff and I need to take to make Theo's life experience the best it can possibly be.  

The conference ended on Thursday with all of the parents standing in a circle, holding hands. We went around and each person stated a pledge -- at least one thing they will do differently as a result of what they learned at Pact camp. I pledged to take an active role in Theo's school (wherever that will be) to make equity a priority for the teachers and the principal. It's a lot to take on, but I have to. I owe it to Theo.

Here are photos of Theo and two of the many friends he made at camp.

Scatological humor, 4-year-old style

Theo's best material right now:

"Ring around the poo poo, pocket full of pee pee, ashes, ashes, we all go POOP!"

"Poop! I need somebody! Poop! Not just anybody! Poop! You know I need someone! POOOOP!" (sung to the tune of "Help" of course)

"Knock knock"? (Who's there?) "Poop!" (Poop who?) "Poopy butt!" 

 

Daddy's 50th

Well, it's happening. Jeff and I are officially becoming, um, old. Or at least older. This bothers me to no end, but Jeff has embraced it quite gracefully. Last week we celebrated his 50th birthday in a beach house we rented in Pacific Grove. We had friends and family visit, made great dinners, played games, went to the beach, rode our bikes along the oceanfront, and more. Here's a photo of Jeff with his best friend Allen, who is also Theo's godfather. Theo adores Allen, his wife Kris and their three kids -- especially the girls, Ella and Zoe. It's remarkable that Theo is already "flirting" -- batting his eyes, giving lots of hugs, climbing on to their laps. Yikes -- I think we're in trouble! 

The Dinos are here!

The new Dinosaurs Unleashed exhibit is up at the Lawrence Hall of Science . . . and Theo is a tiny bit intimidated by these big guys! They make noise too!

This says it all

My new artwork for Theo's wall!

Sports Talk

Theo: "I want to hit the baseball one million times!"

Mommy: "How about 20? I think that's a more attainable goal."

Theo (scowling): "Mommy, there are no goals in baseball! That's soccer!"

 

Here's Theo with the Oakland A's bat he got yesterday at Bat Day . . .which he can really swing!

Flower Power

Theo just loves flowers. He loves to smell them and pick them -- which of course is a no-no in most places. The other day Jeff and Theo came home from a "boys afternoon" and Theo was carrying a bouquet of beautiful blooms. You should have seen his beaming face when he said "These are for you, mommy!" Ah, what a guy.

The Bass, the Beatles, and Death

Theo has renewed his obsession with the Beatles after his daddy "gave" him an electric bass. It's pretty funny to watch Theo try to manage an instrument that's twice as long as he is. His favorite thing to do is lie on the beanbag and play along with Paul McCartney and his band. And I'm back to impersonating John Lennon -- Theo even requests that John reads his bedtime stories. Gives me plenty of time to perfect my British accent and say fun things like "blimey" and "bloke". Theo understands that John and George are dead and that Ringo and Paul are still alive. It has brought up interesting questions about death: "Mommy, where are John and George now?" (Answer: I'm not sure, honey, but I think they are still here in spirit.) "How can we talk to John when he's dead?" (Answer: I think he can hear you when you talk to him, honey.)  "How did John die?" (Answer: He got very sick. I realize this is not true, but I'm not about to explain that he was shot by a crazy dude in front of his house. Way too scary.)

The Big Easy (not that easy with kids, but very fun))

Last week we visited New Orleans. We rented a beautiful southern house with my good friend Linda and her family -- which is great because she has two boys (4 1/2 and 7 1/2). And the best part? She brought her boys' babysitter -- so the adults could go out on the town at night. Our days were spent at the zoo (a truly incredible zoo, I must say, and I've seen a lot of them) and at the French Quarter Fest. Lots of great music, lots of booze. SO MANY PEOPLE are perpetually drunk there -- tourists, of course. Being in the south was definitely different for our little transracial family -- lots more stares (from blacks and whites). Theo was a champ on the plane rides (thank you God) and only had two major meltdowns. One at the zoo when I screamed at him because he was climbing on the fence over the alligator swamp (I was NOT overreacting!) and one night at dinner when he 1) was exhausted 2) was starving 3) should not have gone out to dinner. Totally mommy's fault. 

Two must-read articles

Lately there seems to be more great blog posts, and entire blogs, addressing racism. I don't know if it's because I'm paying closer attention, or because more people are willing to open up about it. Here are two posts I came across this week that I will refer back to again and again.

http://colorlines.com/archives/2010/12/white_dad_black_son_and_raising_kids_in_colorblind_world.html

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/10/talking-about-race-etc/

Theo's busy class load

Every Monday, Theo and I are taking a class together called "Exploring Science Through Art" at the Lawrence Hall of Science. We get to do really fun stuff like smash up flower petals and blackberries to make colors, and mix dry tempera with shaving cream and corn syrup. Then on Thursdays, it's on to physical fitness at his "gymnastics" class (mostly running around with girls dressed like fairies, walking on the balance beam, and jumping on the trampoline). Finally, Saturday at noon is African drumming, where we learn different rhythms such as samba and reggae. All of this is a welcome distraction from his obsession with dinosaurs. (Hey, if anyone needs to know how many fingers a T-rex has vs. a Carnosaurus, just ask.)

Pop Quiz

Ok folks. Here's your chance to win big prizes my continued admiration.

The question: What is pictured below?

A. A paper-mache breast that Theo made in preschool.

B. A special mix of playdough, hand lotion and water that Theo sculpted into a mountain onto his bedroom wall.

C. A model volcano that Theo created for his dinosaurs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And . . . the answer is . . . B! Did ya get it right??

Talking about race

On Saturday Jeff and I attended an incredible workshop at our church, based on the documentary "Traces of the Trade: A Story from the Deep North." The film tells the story of a prominent New England family that is discovered to have been the largest slave trading organization in the country. It shows 10 relatives from the family (from all over the country; some first cousins, some 3rd or 4th) taking a 3-week journey that follows the route their ancestors took to trade the slaves: from Rhode Island, to Ghana, to Cuba, back to Rhode Island. We watched the film and then had a very intense discussion facilitated by one of the women from the family who was in the film. 

It was such an opportunity to be open, ask the tough questions, give the hard answers. There were about 20 blacks and 20 whites, and we talked about everything from white privilege, reparations, institutionalized racism, etc. With trepidation I expressed my fears about raising Theo, and received so much sincere support I cried. I know that keeping my eyes, ears and heart open is the most important thing I can do for my son, and I know that many people love and support us. I feel so lucky.

For more information: http://www.tracesofthetrade.org/

Four times the fun!

All of the sudden, in the blink of an eye, we have a four-year-old. And I feel 100 years old. Theo is seriously wearing me out. Not only is he speedy, he has quite a temper. For the last month, his favorite thing to say when he gets mad has been "You're not coming to my birthday party!" with a comical scowl on his face. Now that his birthday is over, we've explained that his threat is meaningless. His response: "But I'm going to be 5 soon!"

He hits, he screams, he throws his dinosaurs, he splashes water out of the tub . . . of course, he also hugs, gives smooches, tells me he loves me, and helps me sweep the floor. (Never mind that the reason we have to sweep the floor so often is because of the food he drops/throws.) Overall, I am pretty disappointed with my parenting skills. I love him so much but it's hard for me to remember where he is developmentally -- it doesn't work to try to reason with him. Time to go back to reading "Raising Your Spirited Child"! Trouble is, when I get in bed I can't manage to read more than one page without slumping over and drooling. Sigh.